Lessons in Forgiveness – To the eBay Buyer Who Scammed Me

Forgiving doesn't make you weak; it sets you free

The last 24 hours were stressful. I haven’t written much about my experiences as an eBay seller since late 2015 after quitting my corporate job, because it didn’t seem like there was anything interesting about it. Based on people who have reached out to me in the past few days because of my previous post, I was very wrong. So here goes.

I’ve had a few issues here and there with eBay buyers who outright lie about something in order to get a refund or replacement. They were small amounts so I brushed it off and blocked them from buying on all my eBay sites and future sites. I’m very diligent at cutting people out of my life in general and filtering my customers is no exception. I don’t need their business and the headaches that come with it. There are plenty more honest people out there to do business with.

So this one was the most stressful so far, because they had the audacity to return a completely different item, damaged and used, claiming it was the item I sent them. I was furious when I opened the package and made steps to take care of the situation right away.

I contacted the buyer with photo evidence, keeping it brief and factual rather than an emotional rant. I leave those for my blog and my other half.

I reported the buyer then contacted eBay who checked my photo evidence and reassured me that I had done the right thing, and that no refund would be given unless I specifically choose to do so on their website.

I open a case against the buyer in the returns process which was swiftly closed several hours later, in the buyer’s favour. I saw this email come through only half an hour after it was sent at 2.30am and called eBay again to file an appeal.

They gave me bad news.

According to them, they have no way of verifying that the photo I submitted is in fact, the item that the buyer sent and/or received in the first place. The reverse logic applies but they favour the buyer because the customer is always right.

My rage and anxiety diminished as I quickly understood the logic of eBay’s ruling and I asked what I could do in future to prevent such situations. They weren’t very helpful so I ended the call and thanked them for assisting me.

I went through various scenarios in my head of how many other ways it could’ve gone but the process is so flawed that they will most likely favour the buyer each time.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more rational and logical in my thinking when I am put under stressful situations, rather than bursting into emotional and sometimes violent fits of rage. I saw the energy expended was not worth it and wanted to quickly resolve my thoughts around it, find the good in the bad, look for the lessons learned, then move on and be determined to do better next time.

So I calmed myself down, thought about how much the actual lost dollar value was to me. I’m not going to cry over the USD$110 they had been refunded; I just meditated myself into a more positive state. Once I did that, my whole being turned around and this is what I envisioned writing to the buyer and other buyers who scam me and other honest, hardworking small business owners.

“To the eBay buyer who scammed me,

No doubt you will be pleased that eBay’s decision was ruled in your favour with very little effort on your part. It’s ok. We both know what you did and I forgive you. I completely forgive you.

Who knows what situation you’re in that made you decide take this sort of action; maybe you’re a single father struggling to pay his bills. Or maybe your partner is distant and you fear losing them and this extra money and shiny new luxury item will get you in their good books. Perhaps it was a gift for your mother whom you love so much but you couldn’t afford it so you had to be creative. We all have our struggles.

It doesn’t really matter what the reason is. I’m glad I could be of help. I thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson and making me proud of myself and how I handled the situation. I appreciate the challenge it gave me with problem solving and conflict resolution. I’m grateful for the opportunity to show myself how much I’ve grown and matured.

You reminded me of only focusing on what I can control. I strongly believe in the formidable power and infinite wisdom of the Universe to hand out its karmic energy as appropriate. I will always strive to keep my karma as good, clean, positive energy where I have nothing to feel guilty about and nothing to hide.

Goodluck to you.

– Katrina”

And after I spoke that letter in my mind, thinking of this person and sending them warmth and love and forgiveness, I felt so free.

Video Of The Year: Michael Jackson – Black Or White / Presented By Tobias Ellehammer

Watching this dance concept video made me experience a spiritual high that I rarely feel from most things I’ve seen on social channels in the past few years. This one gave me goosebumps on goosebumps, teary-eyes and that breathless, overwhelming of rush kinda feeling, especially when I saw my hometown Sydney which then transitioned onto the Shibuya Crossing in Tokyo, Japan (with Yoshie, one of my all time dance idols) where I was exactly one year ago.

The choreography is exquisite and refined, maintaining a high level of energy throughout the video amongst a backdrop of various cities around the world. The worldly perspective reminds us that dance is a common and accessible artform, expressed in all types of cultures so beautifully as individuals unify to promote positive messages.

Dance is love.

Dance is freedom.

Dance will always be there for you, forgiving you for neglecting it, for prioritising other aspects of your life but it will always accept you and welcome you back with warmth and light.

Hands down the best video I’ve watched all year; my congratulations, respect and admiration go out to the brains behind it, Tobias Ellehammer and his team that put it together.

Life Goes On: What’s Happened In A Year Since I Quit My Job

not all who wander are lost. mztrina.com

Every year, I define 3 life goals that always seem to manifest even though I don’t focus on them too much or remind myself of them all the time. I see this as a great way to simplify your life purpose and direction.

In 2014 I had 3 career goals and 3 life goals which I successfully achieved.

My 3 career goals were:

  1. Gain management experience (I thought it was a miracle after a few rejections when I finally got a Management Associate to report to me (not to sound douchey) even if it was just for 6 months and he was only a year or two younger than me)
  2. Travel to another country for work (San Francisco)
  3. Give a thought leadership presentation in front of a large corporate audience (I was invited to speak at Dreamforce, the annual Salesforce conference in San Francisco. That’s a blog post for another day).

2014 was simultaneously the best and worst year of my career because of politics and egos but I’m glad it all happened because thinking about all the times I broke down crying at work or after work led me to make the decision to leave.

My 3 life goals were:

  1. Declutter
  2. Stay fit
  3. Stay happy (I went through phases of depression)

In 2015 I simplified these goals even more and just had 3 life goals

  1. Quit my job (one of the best decisions I’ve ever made)
  2. Be married at 30 (I don’t know why I wanted this, I was pretty happy being single for the past few years but I thought 30 would be a good time to start, I guess. I didn’t really take this seriously because I turned 30 in August 2015 and didn’t know how likely it would be to find the man of my dreams let alone marry him but it bloody worked out alright)
  3. Keep finding new, positive life experiences (so many from my travels and life experiences to blog about still!)

2016

Now in 2016 I just want to continue what I’m doing in terms of collecting good memories, pushing myself to see how successful I can be in my foray into eCommerce and focusing on helping my family in whatever way I can.

What’s Happened In A Year

It’s actually been over a year since I quit my 8-year corporate job and I’ve been jobless up to now. It’s funny how people show sympathy or pity when I tell them I’m unemployed at the moment (this ends conversations with telemarketers and fundraising street teams very quickly, to my delight) when in fact it’s something I’ve been very proud of.

The journey has been pretty fun with some minor bumps but I’m here to show that it’s possible to greatly improve your life and find something that fits you better when it comes to what you ‘do for a living’.

I wrote about my journey in the lead up to my resignation and briefly what happened after. I had so many ideas, so many plans but terrified of everything at the same time. I knew anything was better than staying in a shitty situation. Most of the ideas didn’t come to fruition which is always a blessing, because eventually you’ll just find the best one for you and stick to it; focus on that one thing with all your might and become successful faster as a result of the simplicity in your life.

Oh yeah, and I met my future husband and eloped in Hawaii, all in 10 months.

The Dance Programs in Orphanages Idea

There were grandiose plans of setting up dance and life skills education programs at orphanages around the Philippines and Thailand to start, which I had discussed with my good friend Jerry Snell. Jerry was the Creative Director for the Sydney Chinese New Year Festival one year and he found out about me and my dance studio as he was looking for all sorts of performers. We quickly struck up a tight bond and I was amazed with this energetic, creative, eccentric Canadian who spoke fluent French, Mandarin and Thai (I still haven’t heard of anyone who can speak those language combinations) and probably a few others I wasn’t aware of.

He was one of the founders of Cirque Du Soleil and was heavily into social work and programs for orphans in South East Asian countries. I was continually inspired by him over the years and we had just discussed my plans to leave my company and visit him in a remote village where he lived on the Thailand/Burma border shortly after my Dirty 30 USA trip to discuss setting up hip hop dance and life skills programs. We shared a passion for educating orphans, especially the stateless children left by their families after fleeing their hometown, about sustainability and safety. They were easy targets for human traffickers and it sickened us to hear about more and more of the vulnerable kids be kidnapped and sold into slavery.

It was only two weeks after my last day of work that he passed away unexpectedly and the world was robbed of another kind-hearted soul who had major impact on the injustices of the world.

I know Jerry would be keeping an eye on me from his circus in the clouds, guiding me to make the necessary contacts and decisions towards continuing his work. Someday. When the time is right. RIP my friend.

The Freelancing Idea

I quickly realised that becoming a freelancer still meant having a ‘boss’ and working with clients and I just didn’t want to do that especially if I were on my own. I could devise digital or marketing strategies for companies or contract for an agency but that just didn’t sound very appealing. Plus I wanted to be location-independent, one of my life goals for 2015.

The Getting Another Job Idea

I actually went to a few job interviews, spoke to some recruiters and connected with pretty senior people who were interested in hiring me after I went on my extended overseas trips. I’m still not enticed by the thought of being told when and where I could work, what I could work on, etc. I just want to keep my freedom.

The Idea That Stuck – Selling Stuff

I had an unhealthy shopping habit which meant I’ve accumulated a few hundred pairs of shoes, wardrobes and boxes full of clothes, books and all sorts of material things that my large disposable income allowed me to maintain. It was a few years before I quit my job that I had embarked on a decluttering and minimalist journey after my regular overseas trips showed me how happy I was to live with just 15-20kg worth of stuff. So I started getting rid of things by donating or chucking them out. The next part was putting together the items I knew I could sell.

I had no idea that this was what I would end up becoming so good at and so passionate about. My digital (technical) and marketing background meant that selling on eBay was very easy and I quickly replaced my six-figure salary just 3 months after I started. I’m actually working less than half the time I did at my job but making the same amount of money. It’s amazing.

I started out just selling my stuff and anything lying unused and forgotten in our family home. The feeling when you clear out a space plus making some money out of it was addictive for me.

After listing 100-200 single items in a few weeks, I realised that it would be more efficient if I created one listing that sold multiple quantities of the same item. By some miracle, I settled on reselling the Cards Against Humanity, Australian version, after I played it in New York for the first time with some new friends during my birthday trip. It was a hit. I quickly become the hottest seller until the company shut me down several times from selling on eBay but the Christmas sales were just bonkers. I became even more addicted to eCommerce.

I found more and more products based on what I wanted to use, so I could buy in bulk, use what I wanted, giveaway to family and friends and then resell the rest. So it expanded to all sorts of things and I became a Top Seller after 3 months of starting on eBay.

When I met my future husband and decided I wanted to spend time in Hawaii with him, I just did the same thing with eBay and local sales and it’s becoming more and more successful. I’m pretty grateful to have stumbled on something that combines my skills, interests, passions and income source all in one. I can’t wait to expand into more international sales and my own online stores.

It hasn’t always been easy and there are times when I question my existence because of a customer complaint, or I have issues with a supplier, or I lose money because of receiving bad products etc but I remind myself that I’d rather be here than where I was over a year ago. I get to go at my own pace and create my own brands and experiment with my marketing without having to answer to anyone. I get to challenge myself and see how resourceful and creative I can be when it comes to problem solving.

It’s fun being boss.

What are your 3 life goals?

Define them, then find them. I wish you all the best.

– Katrina

We Eloped in Hawaii!

We eloped in Hawaii

On the 8th August 2016, I married Ryen (The Hawaiian) – my bestfriend and the man of my dreams. Mahalo to everyone who has shown us love and support in celebration of our special elopement. Here’s the breakdown of what happened, the why the how and everything in between.

How We Knew

It was just over 2 weeks since we first met that we started dating (all the details of that is in my previous post of how I met the love of my life in Hawaii) and it was the 2nd or 3rd day that I got home and my Grandma, asked: “So if Ryen asked you to marry him, what would you say?”

Without hesitation, I said I would marry him. I just knew. He was the manifestation of everything I had asked for, and more. He felt the same about me. So we knew very early on that we would spend our lives together and after 9 months of dating in July 2016, we talked about it.

“Why don’t we just elope?” I asked him.

“What does that mean?” he asked. I laughed and sent him the definition. He thought it was pretty romantic and sweet. He smiled and agreed. “Let’s do it!”

This way, it can just be about us. We could strip it right back to the core of why we’re together. We treat each day as though it’s our last; why wait? Why not just remove self-imposed barriers like money, time, other people’s schedules, venue availabilities, etc?

Ryen has a big heart and a gentle soul, with creating a family being his key priority whereas I’m more practical and independent and could just as easily stay single for the rest of my life. But when someone loves you so much despite everything, it really changes you. We got through some really hard and trying times where we showed each other the most vulnerable parts of ourselves that we didn’t know existed. So if you can make it despite all that, you better cherish them.

I remember during some of these tough times, he would tell me that I’m all he has in his life and his only goal is to make me happy; it broke me down and made me realise how much I wanted to live for this man and give him everything his beautiful soul deserves. He is adamant that if anything (heaven forbid) happened to me, he would have no reason to live, unless we had a family together. He would never remarry and never ever be interested in another woman.

I believe him, because of how he is (I should write about this in a separate post) and so I’m even more motivated for life – a life with him.

So with just 10 months and 1 day of dating (and not even 11 months of knowing each other), we decided to get married.

The Date 8/8/16

HIs birthday is 11th July and mine is 20th August. I figured if we were to marry in a few weeks time, a date between our birthdays would be good, also the number 8/8/16 adds up (ha) and 8 has always been a lucky number for me. Plus, we can write the same date in both Aussie and American date formats (side rant, the whole MM/DD/YYYY is so stupid, it isn’t logical and I don’t understand it along with their measurement systems).

$500 Budget

Not wanting to spend much as we were going on holidays later in the year, we decided to minimise all costs and save it for our bigger ceremony with family and friends. We spent about USD$500 total, the majority of it really wasn’t that necessary either:

$150 – mani/pedi for both of us. This went from a $30 mani/pedi special that went overboard when I added Shellac plus some nail designs and some designs for him (although he got his toes airbrushed for free because he made the nail technicians laugh during the 2.5 hour session) plus tax and tip. We went to Essy’s Nails in Pearl City and highly recommend them (that’s a story for a whole other blog post!) They even put a photo of my nails on their Yelp page and said “Nice to meet you guys!! And congrats!!! Sweet couple!”

essy nails pearl city

Ryen got the date of our wedding on his right hand, then our initials on his left. His toes say 808 (Hawaii area code) and “BOW” on his big toe to reference “Bow Toe” which means penis in pidgeon/local slang. He’s crazy.

Katrina Nails Ryen Nails

$65 – marriage licence (paid to the State of Hawaii)

$104 – Marriage Celebrant, Rev James Chun, an absolute legend and highly recommended

$40 – engagement and wedding rings. We got sized at a jeweller then I just bought a few different ones online that we could choose from. The first ones we got were the Khal and Khaleesi engagement rings, handmade and a token of our Game of Thrones obsession. He chose the black tungsten Superman ring as his favourite which cost just over $2. The other rings I can resell on my eBay store so we’ll actually make profit, maybe enough to cover the entire wedding celebrations

$60 – dinner that night at Cattle Company, a place he’s been to before so he knows it’s safe (he’s allergic to shellfish and we ended up at the ER one night after Teppanyaki in Waikiki, another blog post to come!) We shared a huge steak and got a free dessert, it was pretty good

Dinner Dessert

Dessert

$40 – leis for the ceremony. It wouldn’t feel like a Hawaiian celebration without them

$40 – to get a new long sleeved white shirt and white shoes for him

Getting Ready

We didn’t really have to do much before the wedding day, just get our marriage licence and book the marriage celebrant. I wore a white dress I bought back in 2014 to wear for my work Christmas party, but on the night decided I didn’t care and just kept my work clothes on. So I had never worn it since then and was glad I brought it to Hawaii. I had nude shoes I always used for work that I brought too.

I tried to style my hair with some soft waves at the front but it was so humid and my hair was not cooperating. Luckily Ryen kissed me and told me it doesn’t matter because I look beautiful anyway. For make up I just put on some concealer, light face powder, some mascara, white eye highlighter and then tidied up my eyebrows; real simple and natural looking.

So Ryen doesn’t own white casual shoes, or an iron so about an hour before the ceremony, we went to Ross’, a discount department store. He quickly found white canvas shoes for $22 and a matching long sleeved white shirt for $8 and we were on our way to get the leis.

There were two colour options since we got to the florist just before they were closing – orange (his favourite colour) and purple (a nice contrast to my white dress).

Then we drove to the ceremony location which was a park overlooking Pearl Harbour and was only 5 minutes away from our apartment, as well as the marriage celebrant’s house. So it was real easy.

The Ceremony

It just so happened that Rev James just bought one of those 360 degree cameras and was willing to try it out for our ceremony. I was just going to film the audio on my phone but this was a blessing. He was absolutely brilliant and we highly recommend him to anyone looking to get married on Oahu. Everyone else we tried calling never called us back, real unprofessional.

He usually had 2 waterfront locations to choose from but because of the recent tropical storm, they were dirty and full of bacteria so he chose a nearby park. There were old people doing Zumba in the park’s hall and kids playing soccer on the other end. It was random but the storm had cleared up and we were happy to see a rainbow through the light summer showers. We’ll save the beach wedding for the bigger ceremony.

Ryen decided to take my last name as his, as he grew up without a father and feels a lot closer to my extended family who he’s known for a while, which is really cool. My grandma thinks it’s hilarious and says he’s like the woman in the relationship now.

Here’s the video, just move it around to see the 360 degree views.

Smiles

Certificate

Afterwards

We relaxed at home for a little, responding to everyone’s messages after we posted the news and one of my life friends, Pauler facetimed me for a while which was nice. I can’t wait to celebrate with everybody.

Then we had dinner nearby, shared a steak and dessert and went home to sleep. Ryen had to work at 6am that morning and again the next morning so it was important for him to recover after such a long day.

The Big Ceremony

We’ll plan it sometime later. I don’t mind whether or not we have one, but my mum really wants a Hawaiian wedding and it’ll be nice for our families to meet for the first time. We’d want it to be very traditional Hawaiian with a Hawaiian minister and a luau with Hawaiian food, hopefully at a nice beach location.


At the end of it all, this experience was a great intimate one for us and relatively stress-free. You cut out all the bs and make it about you and your forever love, with the option of having a bigger celebration later down the line. I’d rather use the money to travel and show this Hawaiian what else is out there!

Mahalo for reading <3

How I Met the Love of My Life (in Hawaii)

one day someone will walk into your life and make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else

Here is our love story so far, told from my point of view with The Hawaiian’s story to come in a future post. We believe in sharing our experiences so that whoever needs to find inspiration or just some light entertainment might find it in our journeys.

September 2015

My girlfriends Anna, Stacy and I had only planned to stay for 5 days in Honolulu at the Hilton Hawaiian Village as we anticipated we’d need some R&R after partying non-stop across the USA and before getting back to Sydney and full-time jobs. Then when I handed in my 4 weeks resignation notice in early July 2015, I immediately extended my Hawaii trip to add 4 weeks because $400 was worth the extra time hanging out with my Grandma and family over there before heading back to reality and possibly job hunting in mid-October.

The view from our room at the Hilton Hawaiian Village

The view from our room at the Hilton Hawaiian Village

Stacy leads the way across the beach

Stacy leads the way across the beach

Honolulu with my ladies

Cruising round the island eating ice cream sandwiches

It was only in the last 2 weeks that I met him; Ryen the Hawaiian as I call him. He was my cousin’s bestfriend for the longest time and I had always heard about him from my family. My grandma likes him a lot and advised me to not judge him based on his looks, because he’s quite nice, he just talks a lot. I later found out that my cousin would tell him about me for the past 4 or 5 years that I’d been visiting Hawaii on a yearly basis to spend time with Grandma. He was in a relationship that whole time but this time, he had enough and wanted to call it quits. They had issues for the past 8 or 9 months and he was done with it all.

Meanwhile, I was loving life, including being single and travelling with my friends, partying in different cities and eating as much fried chicken and burgers as we could stand. I didn’t care to be in any sort of relationship, and it was about three and a half years since my last one but I was determined to stay solo until I found someone that I just knew would be the one to make me want to settle down.

So on the 21st Sept 2015, my cousin texted me to say his mate Ryen was down to go on an adventure but after his mum’s birthday dinner. It was already 10pm and I was tired, asking him if we can reschedule. He pushed for it, telling me that it’s probably the only night Ryen will have free to hang out, so I said “Fuck it, YOLO” and put some pants on when they told me they were outside the apartment.

I wore no make up, my hair was tied in a half ponytail on the very top of my head, I wore a Lion King t-shirt and ripped up jeans with Nike free runs. Ryen later tells me that he was so attracted to me and loved the natural look. I didn’t even try to dress up for him or plan to impress him in any way. I was just looking for an adventure. And little did I know, he was full of them.

I didn’t have any expectations of him, but as I told him later, my first impression of him was that he looked like a Puerto Rican thug. He’s not even Puerto Rican, my grandma told me he was. His shaved head, sleeve and neck tattoos, nose + lip + tongue piercings with a lifted and gifted Jeep, he was the total bad boy package.

We said hello and they handed me a beer; my cousin remembering that Blue Moon was my favourite and they got a 6-pack just for me, so sweet. I hopped in and didn’t ask where we were going because it didn’t really matter. I was down for whatever.

Stopping at a convenience store, he bought us large bottles of cold water and got extra napkins “for your va-jay-jay” he noted, since there weren’t any toilets where we were going. He also let out a huge fart before he shut the car door and went inside. I thought, this guy is nuts. His energy is too overwhelming for me right now, so I kept drinking to get on a similar buzz.

They like to blast reggae music and sing along loudly. It was mostly local Hawaiian artists, and they get shocked when I tell them I haven’t heard of the songs or the band. It’s not like they play it in Australia nor did I ever seek them out. It’s most appropriate for driving through the Hawaiian islands for sure, adding to the whole chilled out vibe that us Aussies love so much.

We stopped in front of an area that had blocked off four-wheel access to the off-road tracks. It was a place where the mountain meets the sea with a road in between. Parked in front of the boom gate and headlights on the road, we played some hip hop and my cousin and I started breaking on the gravel. I’m not a bgirl but I love toprocking; floorwork is too painful for me and I lack the upper body strength to support the moves. But we had fun and later Ryen tells me that he was so impressed with how I just got down, rocked out without caring about getting dirty or sweaty or messed up. I was just loving life and dancing under the stars on a road with the ocean on my left and the mountains on my right. It was magical for me.

We headed to the next stop and walked through a dark alley in a residential area to get to a beach. No one else was there since it was about 1am I think, and we brought the beers and sat in the sand, talking about life. I asked Ryen where his girl was at which prompted him to launch into a tirade of all the reasons he’s fed up with her. She sounded crazy and he seemed like he had tried so hard for so long to work on the relationship, but it drove him insane.

From the praises that my family had sung about him, that he was a good, honest person who worked very hard and so on, I just felt that he deserved better. I had a mission of sorts for the longest time, determined to meet people who had lost their confidence and were in situations where they clearly deserved better; I wanted to help them realise that they should gently let go and make room for bigger and better things. This happened to me so often so I had plenty of experience to draw from.

So, after he was done (it was about an hour, the Portagee as he refers to himself sometimes, can really talk. Grandma wasn’t kidding…) then I launched into my narrative. I told him from what I’ve seen in the few hours since I met him and based on what my family has had to say about him, that he deserves so much better. He should be with a grown woman who treats him like an absolute KING, and there are plenty out there. I never once thought I’d be talking about me though, since I wasn’t interested in him or attracted to him at this stage.

Based on the stories he told us, his ex was crazy, like batshit insane type. The kind who stalks you using your phone’s GPS and shows up to wherever you are; the kind who goes through all the numbers you call or text and contacts each one to find out who’s on the other end. Oh, but there’s more to this part of the story.

So we called it a night and I got home after dawn, exhausted and full of emotion. I felt for the guy. It wasn’t right, how he was being treated and how unhappy he was. I prayed that he would end the relationship and allow himself to find the right woman for me. Again, I did not think about me when I said that.

Because you deserve #peace. #positivity #motivation #inspiration.

A photo posted by Mz Trina (@mztrina8) on

After he ended things with her, he was very straightforward in his intentions with me. He told me he wanted to take me on a date and I made him get my family’s blessings first, mostly just to troll him and see if he’d actually do it. He did, with much enthusiasm. This is our conversation of that moment:

First FB Convo Kekai Katrina 8 First FB Convo Kekai Katrina 9

We continued hanging out, I introduced him to some delicious Filipino food and he got me to shoot some hoops at the YMCA.

It was a great balance and he would shamelessly flirt with me the whole time while I kept my distance. I guess I was used to being single for so long and I didn’t know how to react to someone who was so forward in terms of a relationship and not just a casual fling.

Straight away he would contact me to hang out, while dealing with his ex. She refused to accept the fact that they were over and continued her stalker ways. She of course found my number and my Facebook profile, sending me ridiculous accusations like “HOMEWRECKER!” and telling me that she’s his fiancée and do I enjoy hanging out with another woman’s man? I immediately deleted and blocked her stupid ass, trying to take the classier route and stopping myself from responding with comments like “yeah it’s fun hanging out with him, heard he dumped your ass like a week ago though, better update your Facebook status.” She called me nonstop for about an hour before I decided to block her.

Then he’d tell me about all these crazy incidents as soon as they happened almost every day.

One time, he left his apartment and noticed her following him so when he got to the freeway, he had enough and pulled over as did she. They argued about where he was going, her accusing him of going to see me (which he was) and how crazy she is to be camped outside his apartment, waiting for him to leave so she can stalk him.

There were two separate nights that she came into the apartment after she moved out but refused to give back the key (what a psycho!) One night, he was sleeping in his bed when he felt a presence in the room. He opened his eyes to see her lying on his bed in front of him, face to face, watching him as he slept. How crazy is that! He jumped up and told her to get out while she bumrushed him and tried to make him kiss her. She did the same another night after he dropped me home and her friends saw us out in a restaurant, texting her photos. She thought I’d be there but lucky for her I wasn’t. I am not afraid to bitch slap someone who was harassing my family (she was texting and calling my Auntie and Uncle and even they were scared that she was parked outside their apartment) because that really crossed the line.

From what I heard there were a lot of pleads for hugs and kisses, at one point a few weeks later she begged him to sleep with her one last time (obviously to try and get pregnant and emotionally blackmail him, but he was so disgusted and refused to even speak to her in the future unless he absolutely had to). Meanwhile, I was kicking back and enjoying my last few days on Oahu and spent the last few days (four days to be exact) with him.

What can I say, we connected from the get go. I gave them space to sort their shit out because drama was the last thing I wanted while I was cruising in paradise with no stresses in my life. I went back to Sydney for a few days before heading to Japan and Taiwan, all the while talking to The Hawaiian for hours every day. His drama continued for a few weeks and I was so over it and glad to be in another country while it was happening.

I don’t really hate on people now (though I used to drink a lotta haterade) because I just know the stress and energy in thinking about them isn’t worth it; I let karma do it’s job. It does it a hell of a lot better than any justice I think I can achieve so that frees me up to enjoy more of life. Ok, I did leave this message for her when she told The Hawaiian that she stalked my photos and thinks I’m ugly. I laughed when I heard this. This coming from someone who will wear makeup all the time, including concealer when she goes to bed. I’m really grateful that she spends so much time and energy looking at all my photos on social media, like she’s my #2 fan (after her ex that is) hahahahahaha.

Later meaning NEVER! Last night I heard a crazy bitch called me ugly, amongst other things. I laughed! I hadn’t heard that word in a long time, because I don’t use it at all. Beauty is more than a painted face, styled hair and a good selfie. But you don’t understand that. If you’re jealous of someone you think is super ugly, then what does that say about how you feel about yourself? I am way too busy loving myself and my life to worry about haters. I’m in Tokyo, Japan right now on my way to Disney Sea. I fucking love life! Thanks for thinking of me and checking up on me on social media though ✌ #peace #IDFWU #IDGAF #hatersgonnahate #haters #motivation #inspiration #love #laugh #dream #takerisks #takeaction #believe #bebrave #fuckhaters #lifeisbeautiful #adventures #blessed #life #lifeisgood #beauty #beautiful

A photo posted by Mz Trina (@mztrina8) on

 

Meanwhile, my bond with Ryen is strengthening and the more I get to know him, the more I realise that he is my ultimate dream man. Everything I’ve ever wanted and more in this island lover package just solidified my beliefs in things like The Law of Attraction and manifestation, in integrity and sticking to your morals and code of conduct for life. For those interested in what my wishlist included, it doesn’t really focus on specific physical aspects because they are so limiting. You have to find a balance between what you want and how broad you make it. But let me tell you something, wishes do come true.

One thing I made sure of when I was making this list was that I myself uphold all these values and offer the equivalent to that partner, so I’m not having double standards or being hypocritical. I had to own all of these before I could expect to find them in someone else, let alone deserve such a person.

My Ultimate Man Wish List


1. A Lover Like No Other

The best lover I could ever have. I’m not going to go into more detail but this is all about intimacy and being sexually compatible. We can’t keep our hands off each other; it’s wild, crazy, passionate love.

Ok, I will say there are vibrating tongue rings involved which is one of the firsts for me.

No time for mediocrity. 💕 #love #passion #quote

A photo posted by Mz Trina (@mztrina8) on


Integrity

 

Integrity Definition

 

After all the sexual stuff comes the most important quality I look for in a partner. Along with integrity comes reliability, honesty, faithfulness, etc. It really summarises the key ingredients needed for a partnership to work.

Famous person reference = Harvey Specter (Suits). Ok he’s not real but I was drawn to his character.

Ryen has this down. He is just a pure soul with an honourable character and lives by a moral code which has shaped him into an incredible man today.

Adventurous & Energetic

Show me new things, new experiences, explore with me, open my mind and make the most out of the time we have here. Have so much energy you can outrun a Jack Russell and keep fit while you’re at it. Because I lead an active lifestyle and I can’t be with someone who would rather stay home than hang out and exercise with me in the gym or outdoors.

Like I’ve said in my previous post, The Hawaiian is like Mowgli from the Jungle Book. We started out by going on adventures that he would take the lead on, and this made my heart race like nothing else.

Bad Ass

I love the whole bad boy vibe with a twist. Someone wild but who’s mellowed out and has matured at this stage. I’m fascinated with bad boy stories and The Hawaiian and his brothers have a lot of great stories growing up that I would love to write about in the future. I don’t mean a dickhead or mentally disturbed. I couldn’t really define ‘bad boy’ until I met Ryen and saw he embodied it but for example he’s always respected women and was never the player type despite all the chicks throwing themselves at him. He just always wanted that one woman to settle down with and have a family with. That’s the type I’m talking about.

He’s a fighter but only for defensive reasons. I can’t remember a story where he was out looking to beat someone up without a good reason. A lot of the time he was defending a friend or brother or someone just picked on him because of how he looks. He’s still respectful but edgy at the same time. I do love feeling safe with him, knowing he can defend us if he ever needed to.

Treats Me Like A Queen

First you gotta be a Queen and I mean really love yourself and pursue your goals and take care of you and your family. When you lift yourself up this way, then your standards for how you are treated are justifiable raised. Treat yourself like a Queen and don’t settle for anyone who treats you less. I learned this the hard way but stayed single for 3.5 years until I found The Hawaiian who treats me like an absolute Goddess.

How? He massages me whenever I want which is daily. I have a lot of aches and pains from sitting at a computer for so many years and he loves touching me so it’s a win-win. He does all the chivalrous things like opening doors, making sure I’m always comfortable, giving me piggybacks when my feet hurt, etc. He really pampers me. He treats me with a lot of respect, puts me before anything or anyone else (alongside his immediate family) and lets everyone know he is off the market and tells our love story to complete strangers a lot of the time.

Ha! #Yeezy #selflove #quote #1

A photo posted by Mz Trina (@mztrina8) on


Excellent Communicator

This is rarely given the focus it deserves in relationships, yet it is can be one of the main reasons why they are successful or not. Especially in a long-distance situation, communication becomes more delicate and essential to keeping everyone reassured and happy. He constantly reassures me with the most open and honest conversations about all sorts of things that would otherwise create pressure and misunderstandings. Without me ever asking him to, he tells me his itinerary for that day or the following day, lets me know who he’s meeting and the conversations they have, how long it will be until he gets time to video call me and keeps me posted by sending regular updates during the day.

I wasn’t used to all this but I realise how much I appreciate it and how it’s made our relationship across borders so easy and simple. He’ll usually introduce me via video chat to whoever he’s with, sends me photos all the time for updates (though a lot are just dick pics or selfies but I enjoy those too). It’s less about disproving any wrongdoing and more about sharing our days with each other.

Family Guy

How he treats his mother shows a lot about his character. I wanted someone who is close with their family and prioritises them, respects their parents for everything they’ve done for them whether good or bad, and wants their own family someday.

His dad left their family when he was young and he has vowed to never desert his family, ever. Once he’s made up his mind about a woman being his wife, he will stick it out till the end. I remember a friend of mine mentioned he went through a tough break up and he just wanted to find someone and stick with her, forgive her for any indiscretions and make it work until he dies. I thought, wow I want to find a man like that too! And then I did several months later.

Treats Others With Kindness & Respect

I can’t stand people who treat strangers like shit because they think they’re beneath them. I saw too many high brow douches in the banking world and it’s such a turn off. The Hawaiian will ‘talk story’ with anyone and a lot of the times, he’s too generous with his time and effort that people take advantage of him (a lot of them woman who want the D) so he’s learned to go the other way and protect himself from being treated that way. He’s a real empath.

Ambitious

Who really wants to be with someone who has no goals for themselves? I’m an ambitious person and I need someone on a similar wavelength. Keep pushing yourself to be better and make a better life for yourself. Success doesn’t mean money and material things, but the quality of your life and how much freedom you have to pursue the things you love.

It’s cool that he runs his own business and hustles hard. I admire that and feel that I can provide a lot of value in helping him with this. It strengthens our bond and we get to see each other in the zone.

Good Vibes & Laughter

No one wants to be with a negative nelly and being a realist optimist, I find it very difficult to spend 5 minutes talking to an emotional vampire or self-proclaimed victim of external sources. I just want someone who’s always about hakuna matata and doesn’t take themselves so seriously.

For example, here’s The Hawaiian in a Ninja Turtle costume on his snakeboard outside a shopping centre.

Im told I'm craaaazy, I'm random , I'm spontaneous …. But the truth is I just love who I am… #take the lead never follow…

Posted by Kekai Isip on Wednesday, October 28, 2015

 

For those yet to find theirs…

I hope you find yours if you haven’t already. Just remember to…

  • Celebrate love, don’t be jealous of it
  • Be worthy of it and believe you’re worthy of it
  • Love yourself, I mean really appreciate who you are and what you have to offer
  • Gain clarity in the sort of partner you want but keep it broad with qualities more than material or physical aspects
  • Work towards your goals and work on yourself
  • Be good to others but cut out those who don’t deserve it
  • Let go of the negativity and drama in your life

With love and light,

– Katrina