Here is our love story so far, told from my point of view with The Hawaiian’s story to come in a future post. We believe in sharing our experiences so that whoever needs to find inspiration or just some light entertainment might find it in our journeys.
My girlfriends Anna, Stacy and I had only planned to stay for 5 days in Honolulu at the Hilton Hawaiian Village as we anticipated we’d need some R&R after partying non-stop across the USA and before getting back to Sydney and full-time jobs. Then when I handed in my 4 weeks resignation notice in early July 2015, I immediately extended my Hawaii trip to add 4 weeks because $400 was worth the extra time hanging out with my Grandma and family over there before heading back to reality and possibly job hunting in mid-October.
The view from our room at the Hilton Hawaiian Village
Stacy leads the way across the beach
Cruising round the island eating ice cream sandwiches
It was only in the last 2 weeks that I met him; Ryen the Hawaiian as I call him. He was my cousin’s bestfriend for the longest time and I had always heard about him from my family. My grandma likes him a lot and advised me to not judge him based on his looks, because he’s quite nice, he just talks a lot. I later found out that my cousin would tell him about me for the past 4 or 5 years that I’d been visiting Hawaii on a yearly basis to spend time with Grandma. He was in a relationship that whole time but this time, he had enough and wanted to call it quits. They had issues for the past 8 or 9 months and he was done with it all.
Meanwhile, I was loving life, including being single and travelling with my friends, partying in different cities and eating as much fried chicken and burgers as we could stand. I didn’t care to be in any sort of relationship, and it was about three and a half years since my last one but I was determined to stay solo until I found someone that I just knew would be the one to make me want to settle down.
So on the 21st Sept 2015, my cousin texted me to say his mate Ryen was down to go on an adventure but after his mum’s birthday dinner. It was already 10pm and I was tired, asking him if we can reschedule. He pushed for it, telling me that it’s probably the only night Ryen will have free to hang out, so I said “Fuck it, YOLO” and put some pants on when they told me they were outside the apartment.
I wore no make up, my hair was tied in a half ponytail on the very top of my head, I wore a Lion King t-shirt and ripped up jeans with Nike free runs. Ryen later tells me that he was so attracted to me and loved the natural look. I didn’t even try to dress up for him or plan to impress him in any way. I was just looking for an adventure. And little did I know, he was full of them.
I didn’t have any expectations of him, but as I told him later, my first impression of him was that he looked like a Puerto Rican thug. He’s not even Puerto Rican, my grandma told me he was. His shaved head, sleeve and neck tattoos, nose + lip + tongue piercings with a lifted and gifted Jeep, he was the total bad boy package.
We said hello and they handed me a beer; my cousin remembering that Blue Moon was my favourite and they got a 6-pack just for me, so sweet. I hopped in and didn’t ask where we were going because it didn’t really matter. I was down for whatever.
Stopping at a convenience store, he bought us large bottles of cold water and got extra napkins “for your va-jay-jay” he noted, since there weren’t any toilets where we were going. He also let out a huge fart before he shut the car door and went inside. I thought, this guy is nuts. His energy is too overwhelming for me right now, so I kept drinking to get on a similar buzz.
They like to blast reggae music and sing along loudly. It was mostly local Hawaiian artists, and they get shocked when I tell them I haven’t heard of the songs or the band. It’s not like they play it in Australia nor did I ever seek them out. It’s most appropriate for driving through the Hawaiian islands for sure, adding to the whole chilled out vibe that us Aussies love so much.
We stopped in front of an area that had blocked off four-wheel access to the off-road tracks. It was a place where the mountain meets the sea with a road in between. Parked in front of the boom gate and headlights on the road, we played some hip hop and my cousin and I started breaking on the gravel. I’m not a bgirl but I love toprocking; floorwork is too painful for me and I lack the upper body strength to support the moves. But we had fun and later Ryen tells me that he was so impressed with how I just got down, rocked out without caring about getting dirty or sweaty or messed up. I was just loving life and dancing under the stars on a road with the ocean on my left and the mountains on my right. It was magical for me.
We headed to the next stop and walked through a dark alley in a residential area to get to a beach. No one else was there since it was about 1am I think, and we brought the beers and sat in the sand, talking about life. I asked Ryen where his girl was at which prompted him to launch into a tirade of all the reasons he’s fed up with her. She sounded crazy and he seemed like he had tried so hard for so long to work on the relationship, but it drove him insane.
From the praises that my family had sung about him, that he was a good, honest person who worked very hard and so on, I just felt that he deserved better. I had a mission of sorts for the longest time, determined to meet people who had lost their confidence and were in situations where they clearly deserved better; I wanted to help them realise that they should gently let go and make room for bigger and better things. This happened to me so often so I had plenty of experience to draw from.
So, after he was done (it was about an hour, the Portagee as he refers to himself sometimes, can really talk. Grandma wasn’t kidding…) then I launched into my narrative. I told him from what I’ve seen in the few hours since I met him and based on what my family has had to say about him, that he deserves so much better. He should be with a grown woman who treats him like an absolute KING, and there are plenty out there. I never once thought I’d be talking about me though, since I wasn’t interested in him or attracted to him at this stage.
Based on the stories he told us, his ex was crazy, like batshit insane type. The kind who stalks you using your phone’s GPS and shows up to wherever you are; the kind who goes through all the numbers you call or text and contacts each one to find out who’s on the other end. Oh, but there’s more to this part of the story.
So we called it a night and I got home after dawn, exhausted and full of emotion. I felt for the guy. It wasn’t right, how he was being treated and how unhappy he was. I prayed that he would end the relationship and allow himself to find the right woman for me. Again, I did not think about me when I said that.
After he ended things with her, he was very straightforward in his intentions with me. He told me he wanted to take me on a date and I made him get my family’s blessings first, mostly just to troll him and see if he’d actually do it. He did, with much enthusiasm. This is our conversation of that moment:
We continued hanging out, I introduced him to some delicious Filipino food and he got me to shoot some hoops at the YMCA.
It was a great balance and he would shamelessly flirt with me the whole time while I kept my distance. I guess I was used to being single for so long and I didn’t know how to react to someone who was so forward in terms of a relationship and not just a casual fling.
Straight away he would contact me to hang out, while dealing with his ex. She refused to accept the fact that they were over and continued her stalker ways. She of course found my number and my Facebook profile, sending me ridiculous accusations like “HOMEWRECKER!” and telling me that she’s his fiancée and do I enjoy hanging out with another woman’s man? I immediately deleted and blocked her stupid ass, trying to take the classier route and stopping myself from responding with comments like “yeah it’s fun hanging out with him, heard he dumped your ass like a week ago though, better update your Facebook status.” She called me nonstop for about an hour before I decided to block her.
Then he’d tell me about all these crazy incidents as soon as they happened almost every day.
One time, he left his apartment and noticed her following him so when he got to the freeway, he had enough and pulled over as did she. They argued about where he was going, her accusing him of going to see me (which he was) and how crazy she is to be camped outside his apartment, waiting for him to leave so she can stalk him.
There were two separate nights that she came into the apartment after she moved out but refused to give back the key (what a psycho!) One night, he was sleeping in his bed when he felt a presence in the room. He opened his eyes to see her lying on his bed in front of him, face to face, watching him as he slept. How crazy is that! He jumped up and told her to get out while she bumrushed him and tried to make him kiss her. She did the same another night after he dropped me home and her friends saw us out in a restaurant, texting her photos. She thought I’d be there but lucky for her I wasn’t. I am not afraid to bitch slap someone who was harassing my family (she was texting and calling my Auntie and Uncle and even they were scared that she was parked outside their apartment) because that really crossed the line.
From what I heard there were a lot of pleads for hugs and kisses, at one point a few weeks later she begged him to sleep with her one last time (obviously to try and get pregnant and emotionally blackmail him, but he was so disgusted and refused to even speak to her in the future unless he absolutely had to). Meanwhile, I was kicking back and enjoying my last few days on Oahu and spent the last few days (four days to be exact) with him.
What can I say, we connected from the get go. I gave them space to sort their shit out because drama was the last thing I wanted while I was cruising in paradise with no stresses in my life. I went back to Sydney for a few days before heading to Japan and Taiwan, all the while talking to The Hawaiian for hours every day. His drama continued for a few weeks and I was so over it and glad to be in another country while it was happening.
I don’t really hate on people now (though I used to drink a lotta haterade) because I just know the stress and energy in thinking about them isn’t worth it; I let karma do it’s job. It does it a hell of a lot better than any justice I think I can achieve so that frees me up to enjoy more of life. Ok, I did leave this message for her when she told The Hawaiian that she stalked my photos and thinks I’m ugly. I laughed when I heard this. This coming from someone who will wear makeup all the time, including concealer when she goes to bed. I’m really grateful that she spends so much time and energy looking at all my photos on social media, like she’s my #2 fan (after her ex that is) hahahahahaha.
Meanwhile, my bond with Ryen is strengthening and the more I get to know him, the more I realise that he is my ultimate dream man. Everything I’ve ever wanted and more in this island lover package just solidified my beliefs in things like The Law of Attraction and manifestation, in integrity and sticking to your morals and code of conduct for life. For those interested in what my wishlist included, it doesn’t really focus on specific physical aspects because they are so limiting. You have to find a balance between what you want and how broad you make it. But let me tell you something, wishes do come true.
One thing I made sure of when I was making this list was that I myself uphold all these values and offer the equivalent to that partner, so I’m not having double standards or being hypocritical. I had to own all of these before I could expect to find them in someone else, let alone deserve such a person.
My Ultimate Man Wish List
1. A Lover Like No Other
The best lover I could ever have. I’m not going to go into more detail but this is all about intimacy and being sexually compatible. We can’t keep our hands off each other; it’s wild, crazy, passionate love.
Ok, I will say there are vibrating tongue rings involved which is one of the firsts for me.
After all the sexual stuff comes the most important quality I look for in a partner. Along with integrity comes reliability, honesty, faithfulness, etc. It really summarises the key ingredients needed for a partnership to work.
Famous person reference = Harvey Specter (Suits). Ok he’s not real but I was drawn to his character.
Ryen has this down. He is just a pure soul with an honourable character and lives by a moral code which has shaped him into an incredible man today.
Adventurous & Energetic
Show me new things, new experiences, explore with me, open my mind and make the most out of the time we have here. Have so much energy you can outrun a Jack Russell and keep fit while you’re at it. Because I lead an active lifestyle and I can’t be with someone who would rather stay home than hang out and exercise with me in the gym or outdoors.
Like I’ve said in my previous post, The Hawaiian is like Mowgli from the Jungle Book. We started out by going on adventures that he would take the lead on, and this made my heart race like nothing else.
I love the whole bad boy vibe with a twist. Someone wild but who’s mellowed out and has matured at this stage. I’m fascinated with bad boy stories and The Hawaiian and his brothers have a lot of great stories growing up that I would love to write about in the future. I don’t mean a dickhead or mentally disturbed. I couldn’t really define ‘bad boy’ until I met Ryen and saw he embodied it but for example he’s always respected women and was never the player type despite all the chicks throwing themselves at him. He just always wanted that one woman to settle down with and have a family with. That’s the type I’m talking about.
He’s a fighter but only for defensive reasons. I can’t remember a story where he was out looking to beat someone up without a good reason. A lot of the time he was defending a friend or brother or someone just picked on him because of how he looks. He’s still respectful but edgy at the same time. I do love feeling safe with him, knowing he can defend us if he ever needed to.
Treats Me Like A Queen
First you gotta be a Queen and I mean really love yourself and pursue your goals and take care of you and your family. When you lift yourself up this way, then your standards for how you are treated are justifiable raised. Treat yourself like a Queen and don’t settle for anyone who treats you less. I learned this the hard way but stayed single for 3.5 years until I found The Hawaiian who treats me like an absolute Goddess.
How? He massages me whenever I want which is daily. I have a lot of aches and pains from sitting at a computer for so many years and he loves touching me so it’s a win-win. He does all the chivalrous things like opening doors, making sure I’m always comfortable, giving me piggybacks when my feet hurt, etc. He really pampers me. He treats me with a lot of respect, puts me before anything or anyone else (alongside his immediate family) and lets everyone know he is off the market and tells our love story to complete strangers a lot of the time.
This is rarely given the focus it deserves in relationships, yet it is can be one of the main reasons why they are successful or not. Especially in a long-distance situation, communication becomes more delicate and essential to keeping everyone reassured and happy. He constantly reassures me with the most open and honest conversations about all sorts of things that would otherwise create pressure and misunderstandings. Without me ever asking him to, he tells me his itinerary for that day or the following day, lets me know who he’s meeting and the conversations they have, how long it will be until he gets time to video call me and keeps me posted by sending regular updates during the day.
I wasn’t used to all this but I realise how much I appreciate it and how it’s made our relationship across borders so easy and simple. He’ll usually introduce me via video chat to whoever he’s with, sends me photos all the time for updates (though a lot are just dick pics or selfies but I enjoy those too). It’s less about disproving any wrongdoing and more about sharing our days with each other.
How he treats his mother shows a lot about his character. I wanted someone who is close with their family and prioritises them, respects their parents for everything they’ve done for them whether good or bad, and wants their own family someday.
His dad left their family when he was young and he has vowed to never desert his family, ever. Once he’s made up his mind about a woman being his wife, he will stick it out till the end. I remember a friend of mine mentioned he went through a tough break up and he just wanted to find someone and stick with her, forgive her for any indiscretions and make it work until he dies. I thought, wow I want to find a man like that too! And then I did several months later.
Treats Others With Kindness & Respect
I can’t stand people who treat strangers like shit because they think they’re beneath them. I saw too many high brow douches in the banking world and it’s such a turn off. The Hawaiian will ‘talk story’ with anyone and a lot of the times, he’s too generous with his time and effort that people take advantage of him (a lot of them woman who want the D) so he’s learned to go the other way and protect himself from being treated that way. He’s a real empath.
Who really wants to be with someone who has no goals for themselves? I’m an ambitious person and I need someone on a similar wavelength. Keep pushing yourself to be better and make a better life for yourself. Success doesn’t mean money and material things, but the quality of your life and how much freedom you have to pursue the things you love.
It’s cool that he runs his own business and hustles hard. I admire that and feel that I can provide a lot of value in helping him with this. It strengthens our bond and we get to see each other in the zone.
Good Vibes & Laughter
No one wants to be with a negative nelly and being a realist optimist, I find it very difficult to spend 5 minutes talking to an emotional vampire or self-proclaimed victim of external sources. I just want someone who’s always about hakuna matata and doesn’t take themselves so seriously.
For example, here’s The Hawaiian in a Ninja Turtle costume on his snakeboard outside a shopping centre.
For those yet to find theirs…
I hope you find yours if you haven’t already. Just remember to…
- Celebrate love, don’t be jealous of it
- Be worthy of it and believe you’re worthy of it
- Love yourself, I mean really appreciate who you are and what you have to offer
- Gain clarity in the sort of partner you want but keep it broad with qualities more than material or physical aspects
- Work towards your goals and work on yourself
- Be good to others but cut out those who don’t deserve it
- Let go of the negativity and drama in your life
With love and light,